Bad at Titles

I’m so fucked, aren’t I…

I started doing this back on LJ about a year ago.  Usually they consisted of realizations/questions about life’s little mysteries (like who the hell thought putting white crystalline dirt and dead old plant matter on meat would make it taste better), but sometime I just say things.

So, if you don’t play LoL you should. Recently they upgraded the client to add a spectator mode so you can passively watch ranked games and see everything both teams are doing (except for chat).  You can’t interact with the players, but when I say see everything I mean SEE EVERYTHING.  There are these things called wards, and when you place one it allows you to see in that area after you’ve left it.  When placed, they go invisible and the only way they go away is they expire (5 minutes, I think?) or someone uses a special potion so they can see them and kill them.  So someone can throw a ward in some tall grass where players can’t see unless they’re inside and then keep tabs on the other team’s movement. You can see all this when they can’t and it’s like ADSFGH DRAMATIC IRONY EVERY WHERE. And if it’s a good game you literally start screaming at the screen for your favorite player to get away from an area because the jig is up.  OR, they run right past a patch of grass where there isn’t a ward and their previous quarry is hiding and it’s like TURN AROUND, HE’S RIGHT THERE AND HEARTHING AND YOU’RE GOING TO MISS HIM! D8>  And I suddenly got why Gladiatorial games happened and why the Hunger Games could happen and why Survivor has managed to last this long on tv and why this is the greatest watching ever.  Reality shows tend to fall apart because they’re still manufactured.  Someone else is telling the story, and it’s forced and crappy and clearly for ratings.  Survivor has managed to survive (hurr hurr) because there is still enough reality in it that people aren’t even turned off by the biased editing, the total douche bags that often participate, and the total gimmick of a structure.  You can’t make up the kind of shit that happens in these games, because people have developed too high of expectations for fiction.  “Believable” has been translated to “minimal action to go from point A to point B” and that is rarely if ever the case in real life.  Sometime there’s a thousand reversals and tits-for-tats that happen before the conclusion is reached.  So when something real happens we’re riveted because we think THIS IS SO UNUSUAL IT’S NEVER HAPPENED LIKE THIS BEFORE HOLY CRAP when it really happens like that all the time.

We’re really not that far removed from death matches.  All it takes is a little devaluation and the consumer base to drive it; and people are devalued on all sides every day.

Other thing, as per my previous post (not reblog… sort of), my brother finally got into ATLA and so the past week or so has been us marathoning several episodes at a time together (it’s so hilarious to see manly shipping “Anng and Sokka are my bros, I wanna to get them laid! But these crazy ass women…”).  Last day or so we did most of season three and the four part minimovie finale.  So we saw Zuko join team Avatar and do the whole fire bending thing and I realized that I had the same problem Zuko did.  No, not being so fucking emo it hurts, but losing the source.  Just like Zuko no longer had the deep seated rage to draw his fire bending from, I don’t really have a “Man” to fight against any more.  I’ve essentially spent my whole life living off the “one day, they’ll see… they’ll all see, one day…” mentality ever since I became aware of bullshit around 10.  Well, I beat the system, I told them all to go fuck themselves, I have money in the bank and no debt and at least a temporary job with that mythical 2-ish years experience on my resume.  What do I do now?  Sure, I want to write a bitchin’ story and get published like I want to breathe, but the only thing to fight against there is myself.  I guess that end is kind of similar to Zuko, he had to find the sun inside to pull from.  I need to go find my dragons and figure out how/what/when the hell I’m going to get on with the rest of my life.

runningastartup:

Man, I’m just great at coming up with the most emo quotes when it’s really not that bad.

Maybe it is, but I’ve noticed a disturbing trend lately.  I just don’t like what I see from those I follow on dA and FA; more often then not I mass delete without looking at the full version of anything.  All my music is over played.  I am the kind of girl that loops to hell and back depending on my mood, but I tend to go through cycles of listening where things fall in and out of favor and back in again.  Just about everything in my Spotify playlists feels like it’s out of favor right now.  I’ve glanced at my Last.FM library and don’t see any thing/genre/instrument I’d like to listen to.  I kind of need music, I’m more productive over a shorter period of time than without it; like I need something creative coming in so I can have creative things going out.  I’ve quit playing games, nothing really seems that fun.  I want to read but nothing sounds appealing right now.  I guess the one thing I am pumped about right now is digging into history again and getting together a period name and device to register in the SCA; but I did hit research-hell last night (Viking settlers did borrow names from the Irish, in fact some of them were even exported to home countries and some survived into the 1500s in Iceland, so a [800-1000] Hiberno-Norse woman could have been given a Nordicized Gaelic name and taken a Viking patronymic [more likely than a matronymic, as those were rare, used but rare] - HOWEVER, pretty much all the books that might have listings of Nordicized Gaelic names ARE IN A SCANDINAVIAN LANGUAGE, soooooo… good times with that).

I’m not depressed or stressed, in fact I’m very happy.  Things are lovely.  I am a little thoughtful on where my next job is coming from in 2 months, but other than that there are no troubles.  Working life is exactly what I expected it to be: FUCKING AWESOME. (For reals, fuck homework, and fuck forced reading, and fuck school.)

I’m just… I don’t know.